As with everything in life, there are various schools of thought on how to get what you want in a relationship. Here's one that, if given a chance, works very well. Oprah had a show many years ago where the theme was, "Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?" You might be asking, "Why can't we be both?" It's possible that you can actually be both happy and right but if that's the case, be grateful for your blessings and fill the rest of us in on how that works. For the most part, we are constantly making choices to manage our relationships, our expectations, and our feelings.
My advice - choose happy! Happiness really is a choice. It's a gift you give yourself that really does keep on giving. And the best part... it's a gift you share with everyone whose path you cross.
Have you ever noticed how yawning is incredibly contagious? If you see someone yawn, hear a yawn over the phone or even hear the word "yawn", what happens? You yawn don't you? You pretty much can't help yourself. (Did you yawn as you read this?) Isn't it the same with smiling? When a stranger smiles at you, don't you reciprocate with a smile? Ditto laughing. Try it and take note of the results.
You may be thinking that yawning, smiling, and laughing are not a big deal but the point here is that the energy you project onto the world is reflected back to you. This works the same way in the microcosmic world of your relationship. You get to create the atmosphere in which your relationship lives.
Getting What You Want
So how do you get what you want in your relationship if you don't get to be right? Simple, you put your partner's needs and desires first. Notice I'm not being gender specific here. This may seem radical and counter-intuitive but think about it for a moment. If both of you are putting the other's needs first, you both get what you want, not by taking but by giving. Maybe not in every given moment or circumstance - that's where compromise comes in - but rather, in the over all scheme of things.
Here's how it works. It's Sunday afternoon, you want to watch football but your partner wants to go to the new blockbuster movie that just opened. Instead of escalating to an argument over who always gets their way, try understanding your partner's wishes. If each of you wants the other to be happy you can see several options to the problem.
- You record the football game, go to the movie and watch the game when you get home. (Make sure you isolate yourself from friends and the media until you've had a chance to watch the recording)
- You watch the football game and go to a later movie.
- You watch football and go out for a nice dinner and plan a special midweek date to the movie.
- You watch the football game and your partner goes to the movie with friends.
- You go to the movie and read the highlights of the game on the Internet when you get home but you will get to watch football all next weekend with no distractions.
You can probably think of some other options as well. The point is, if you are truly putting each other's happiness first, you will want to reach a compromise that works for both of you.
Again, you may not get what you want in every situation, but what you will get is a happy, healthy, and loving long-term relationship.
And since happiness in contagious, when the one you love is happy, you will be happy in return.
Ann Carol Cook - Please visit http://www.alongdistancelove.com and http://www.alongdistancelove.blogspot.com for more topics of interest for relationships. Be sure to sign up to receive helpful tips to keep your relationship healthy and loving.
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