Avoiding the Pain of Love - Do You Run When Love Approaches?

How do you know you're in love? - You feel sick

Ok well that's not all you feel but it's part of it.

I fell in love properly for the first time when I was 19yrs old. I was taken aback by how utterly miserable it made me feel. I didn't feel miserable all the time, just every time we were apart. This feeling didn't last, as being 'in' love is a seemingly temporary state but it lasted long enough. Every time I have been in love since it has been the same.

When you are first dating, feeling miserable comes from wondering if they'll call, if they'll turn up for the date. But as time goes by and you are confident of those things, then the feeling comes from wondering what life will be like if they die suddenly or any scenario that may take them away from you.

So what causes this feeling, is it perhaps to do with separation anxiety? Most new mums will relate to that feeling. A deep unpleasant feeling about being separated from their baby/children.

In nature, our feelings are generally shaped by our survival needs. So perhaps it is the case that separation anxiety when associated with being 'in love' is nature's way of telling us that we are supposed to be united, together and not apart. After all in the wild, if a species who are mated become separated, the survival of the family unit is at risk. Who will guard the brood while the lone parent hunts?

Children who were raised in a state of separation from their parents for whatever reason, may find themselves as adults avoiding any situation that may initiate that feeling of separation anxiety. Being in love might thus be something to avoid and they may instead seek to be in lasting relationships with those they may not have a genuinely deep affection for. While that may seem very unsatisfactory for some, for those it may feel safer. If they don't love the person deeply, they don't need to experience the separation anxiety that dogged their childhood. They don't need to experience the grief of 'loss' if that person disappears.

Avoidance of things which cause pain may seem adequate, but with pain (as the cliché goes) comes pleasure. Being in love isn't just about being miserable, it is also about being supremely happy. Feelings of separation anxiety are overshadowed by feelings of great joy, warmth and comfort. If you are someone who has given up on love in favour of freedom from pain, consider what else you have given up. Allow yourself to be happy, allow yourself to love freely and be loved. Most of all love yourself.

To read more relationship advice and dating tips, check out my blog here: X-Posed - Secrets of The Sexes http://www.girltalk-ladiesonly.blogspot.com

Leah Gray aka creativeblogger is an Internet Writer/marketer, Problogger, Dating eBook author and Relationship Columnist. She is also a Qualified Stress Consultant and Character Analyst MASC, AMANF. She is available to hire for various Internet writing/blogging projects. For more details of those visit her home page here: http://www.creative-blogger.com

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How to Make a Girl Fall in Love With You Instantly - Alluring Secrets Which Attract Her Love to You

Love is an important factor in every relationship, and yet in today's society it's a scarce thing, and it's very hard to get a girl to get to this stage. Everyone needs love and wants it; however women tend to hide their wants, and deny this feeling so that they don't get hurt. Many times you can approach a woman and go all out for her, and still find she is not in love with you. Here is how to make a girl fall in love:

Understand her, this means listening to her, and finding ways to get her feelings, actions and spirituality understood. Making her feel understood is something many men find hard to do; because women give off mixed signals, the best way to understand a woman, is to go for the ones who have a lot in common with you. Once you do this, she will start to love you.

Make her feel great about herself! Boosting her self esteem; will make her feel that you want the best for her, and treat her as if she were the world. When you think highly of her, she will be drawn to you, because you offer her support mentally, instead of just physically; and she will want to be around you more, and begin to love you drastically, since you have positive vibes; rather than negative things.

Help her to realize her potential; many men don't challenge women, and therefore she gets bored fast, and feels that you aren't worth her time; she thinks you're a waste of time. She wants to get places in life, and if you are coaching her to get there, she will feel more dependent on you as a support, and will begin to turn that feeling into love. When you guide a girl to good things, she begins to see in you in a good manner, and will associate you with nice things; ultimately leading her to love you.

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