If you've found this article, chances are your husband has either left, mentioned leaving, separating or getting a divorce, or you are afraid these things are on the horizon. This article will discuss why husbands leave and how you can use this knowledge to get your husband back and save the marriage, if that is your goal. I am writing this article from personal experience and what I learned when I spent countless hours researching how to save my marriage.
Husbands Don't Leave Because They Don't Love You: Despite what they may say or what you may have heard or might think, husbands typically don't leave because they wake up one morning and have fallen "out of love" with you. Most of them don't leave because of another woman or because of infidelity. Although they may say things like "I just don't feel it anymore," "I'm just not IN love with you," "I'm just not happy," etc., they usually mean something else entirely. What most of them mean is that they no longer feel the same way ABOUT THEMSELVES when they are with you.
Husbands Leave Because They've Lost A Feeling, But This is Usually Less About How They Feel About You, And More Of How They Feel About Themselves: More than anything, men want to feel admired and loved, and they want your attention to prove this. It's very likely that when you were first dating, you hung upon your husband's every word, lavished him with attention, and looked up at him with big adoring eyes.
Men like to feel that they are very important in our lives and that they do a good job of taking care of and engaging us. Our actions are our way of showing them that they've accomplished this task. When we validate what they do through our affection and appreciation, this makes men feel content that they've done their job well and are valuable to us. In short, our feelings about a man make him feel good about himself.
Granted, the world gets in the way. Once we've married, we have bills, kids, jobs and aging parents whom we must care for. There's only so much of us to go around. Unfortunately, most men do not think always consider this. What they see (and feel) is that they're no longer getting all of the things you used to provide that validated them. Again, the way a man thinks you feel about him (as demonstrated by your actions and the amount of time you spend appreciating and validating him) mirrors the way he feels about himself. So, when all of the things you used to do to validate him are gone, he is no longer content or feels as good about himself. Men hate the feeling that something is "off" and eventually will try to escape it, which is when they will leave.
I know this is all very unfair. I know you might be thinking something like, "Well, I can't help it that I have a million things going on and he doesn't show me much appreciation either. Do I really have to hold his hand and baby sit him this much?" Believe me, I thought the same thing and I understand this feeling. It's absolutely valid, but here's what I've learned. Marriage is a reciprocal thing. Maybe it is a bit lopsided sometimes, but if you provide your husband with what he needs, he will do the same. Perhaps not on the same scale, but simply put, if you give him what he really needs and wants (within reason), he'll do the same and vice versa. And, you will likely be happier as a result.
I understand that there are stressors and or crises that can effect your ability to do this. But, it's important to give your best effort just the same. And, the stronger your marriage, the easier it will be for both of you during times of stress as you can lean on each other.
What To Do If Your Husband Has Left And You Want Him Back: Your first course of action is going to depend on the state of your relationship right now. If it's cordial and he's receptive to you, you'll have a much easier time.
I believe that at first, you should not do a lot of explaining, promising, begging, negotiating, cajoling, discussing, etc. The best thing to do is to try and reestablish yourself as the person who he first fell in love with. Because he loved how that person made him feel - and you want him to feel this way about himself again.
It's likely that person was happy, light hearted, attentive, interested and intrigued. Now, don't be overly obvious or fake about this. The truth is, if you want your husband back, you've probably already run his good qualities and what you love about him in your mind many times. Use these thoughts when you are together and these actions should just naturally happen over time. Don't try too hard or put too much pressure on yourself or the situation. This will just cause more alienation and strain.
If, however, your husband is no longer receptive to you or you're not speaking for whatever reason, then a little strategy is in order. Basically, what you need to do here is to diffuse the situation, alleviate the awkwardness, diffuse the bitter feelings and disagreements. Then, you'll need to peak your husband's interest through your actions (or inactions). Probably at some time, on some key point, you'll need to agree with your husband and admit that yes, a break may be needed for you as well. How you do this is vitally important. It must come off as sincere and believable. There is actually video to show you how to do this.
Only once you're able to reestablish at least a start of the feelings lost should you move onto to solving difficult issues, disagreements, or working out problems. Trying to do this before feelings of intimacy have returned will likely only drive your husband further away. However, once the desirable feelings have returned, step by step, these talks will eventually make the marriage much stronger and will be easier as well.
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